The Strength of Softness & Vulnerability

It took me some time to learn that the loudest and angriest people are the most hurt. The “Hard-Body” individuals who don’t seem to have a care in the world are often suffering from wounds they’ve chosen to ignore. It’s the people who choose to be kind despite their pain, and vulnerable despite the repercussions that are the bravest in this life. الله created us with emotions for a reason; for us to feel. الله created our tears for a purpose; for them to fall. And I like to remember that the best of creation was the most gentle but also the strongest of us all.

The Prophet Muhammad (saw) was the bravest of men, the best of leaders, the most respectable of both jinn and humankind. But he was also gentle and wasn’t scared to be vulnerable. Anas ibn Malik reported: We entered the house of Abu Sayf along with the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, who was the husband of Ibrahim’s wet-nurse, upon him be peace. The Prophet took hold of Ibrahim, kissed him, and smelled him. Then, we entered after that as Ibrahim was breathing his last breaths. It made the eyes of the Prophet shed tears. Abdur Rahman ibn Awf said, “Even you, O Messenger of Allah?” The Prophet said, “O Ibn Awf, this is mercy.” Then, the Prophet wept some more and he said, “Verily, the eyes shed tears and the heart is grieved, but we will not say anything except what is pleasing to our Lord. We are saddened by your departure, O Ibrahim.” [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 1241].

Another thing to remember is how gentleness and softness are praised in our religion, and loved by our creator! Jabir reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Shall I not tell you upon whom the Hellfire is forbidden tomorrow? It is everyone gentle, lenient, accessible, and easy-going.” [Source: Musnad Abī Ya’lá 1853]. I like to remember this Hadith when dealing with difficult people.

One of the names of الله is The Most Gentle, Ar-Rafiq, and one of the best things we can do is be gentle! Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness in all matters.” [Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6927].

I’ve always been a soft-spoken individual. For a long time, I considered it to be a weakness of mine. Being surrounded by fiery women whose voices grew louder with passion as they spoke caused me to wince in shame whenever it was my turn. I hated how when I was nervous, my voice became quiet, and when I was angry, my voice shrunk even further. It was always considered a sign of weakness, and I internalized that belief for years.

The shift occurred when I healed a lot of my trauma wounds through therapy prompts and worksheets. Over a year and a half, I sprouted into a more confident and self-assured woman. I dispelled my false core beliefs and recreated who I truly was. And my voice was still…quiet. Even when I was at my angriest, I still spoke softly. It was then I realized my softness wasn’t a weakness or a sign of cowardice like I was taught growing up. My softness and emotion were my strengths. There is a quote from L.R Knost that I love, and it speaks to this subject perfectly. It says as follows…

“Do not be hardened by the pain and cruelty of this world. Be strong enough to be gentle, to be soft and supple like running water, gracefully bending around sudden turns, lithely waving in strong winds, freely flowing over sharp rocks. All the while quietly sculpting this hard world into ever deeper beauty, gently eroding rigid rock into silken sand, tenderly transforming human cruelty into human kindness. Remember, true strength is not found in the stone, but in the water that shapes the stone.”

And so my advice to both myself and you is to continue being soft and gentle. It’s our biggest strength.