25 Things I’ve Learned in 25 Years

Today, as I measured out 1/4 cup of flour while making apple crisp, I found myself reflecting on my life so far. It dawned on me that I’ve reached the first quarter of my journey. With that realization, I felt inspired to compile a list of lessons I’ve learned over the years, in the hope that they may encourage growth and spark positive change. Insha’Allah, these words will also offer my daughter guidance and wisdom as she embarks on her own path through life.

The only thing that truly matters, above all else, is your relationship with Allah. In this life, we’re born naked and vulnerable, and we will be buried in the same way. And at that time, nothing in this life will matter.
You may not have what you desire because you’re not ready for it. Perhaps a certain sin is holding your du’a back, or a certain life event must happen to prepare you for it. Have self-awareness and get curious about your growth!
Only friendships which are grounded in Allah’s pleasure will last a lifetime. I wish someone could’ve told me this.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows. The seller of musk will either give you some perfume as a gift, or you will buy some from him, or at least you will smell its pleasant fragrance. As for the one who blows the blacksmith’s bellows, he will either burn your clothes or you will get a foul smell from him.” Sahih al-Bukhari 2101 and Sahih Muslim 2628
Heal your trauma, or else it will grow and follow you. I remember finally establishing a life away from abuse and the stillness that followed. I was shocked when the realization hit… my pain followed me. Despite feeling free and happier than ever, I was still traumatized. It took years of therapy, both professionally and self-guided, to bring me to a place of self-regulation. Please take the steps to heal, because trauma grows heavier when you ignore it.
A person cannot love you and abuse you. True love is grounded in respect, kindness, and care for the well-being of another. Abuse is pain, humiliation, fear and selfishness. These two things cannot exist harmoniously.
Establish boundaries and healthy female friendships. Being a girl’s girl is good for your health! Female friendships provide the emotional support that helps us women cope with stress. We often share a deep emotional connection with our close friends, which in turn buffers against anxiety, depression, and loneliness. Check this link out for more cool research about female friendships!
Separate/Distance yourself from toxic people. They are called toxic for a reason! You wouldn’t sit by someone chain-smoking every day, would you?
You are the partner that you will receive, so stop placing all your hopes and dreams on someone you haven’t met yet. Stop placing all your hopes and dreams in someone you haven’t met yet. Instead, focus on becoming the kind of person you’d want as your ideal partner. After all, you wouldn’t accept a man who embodies your worst fears declaring that you’re his soulmate just because he imagined being with someone like you.
The behaviour you allow will continue.
Learn to put your full trust in الله. You’ve survived your worst days because of Him. Think back to a time when you were convinced your life was falling apart. Allah took care of you and made a way out for you. Depend on Him fully. His success rate is 100%.
Learn Allah’s names and attributes. My life changed when I studied who my Lord is. I actually felt the shift in my mindset. It gave me pride in being a Muslim, fear of sinning against Him, and hope that I would be okay. I recommend the YouTube series by Tim Humble, linked here.
Fuel your body with good, nutritious and healthy food. Learn about inflammatory foods, seed oils, and the effect processed foods have on your body. I love watching Bobby Parish on YouTube to keep me updated on which products to look out for, and which to avoid at the grocery store!
Eat or take probiotics! As women, we need good bacteria to support our bodies! This article mentions the benefits of probiotics, such as preventing UTIs, cervical cancer, BV, yeast infections, and so much more! A healthy microbiome impacts the brain’s nervous system and your digestive health
Learn to enjoy spending time by yourself. You are your closest companion. I used to crave companionship and company all the time. I struggled to go out and do something special just for myself, without another person by my side. It wasn’t until much later in my life that I truly enjoyed being alone. Spending time in solitude breeds independence, self-awareness and introspection. It gifts you with the ability to feed your interests without judgement or external opinion.
Establish hobbies and learn new skills. I cannot stress this enough. Hobbies are the gateway to creativity. I think we aren’t creative enough as grown women, nor do we play! Outside of the obvious benefits, learning skills and enjoying hobbies fulfill us in ways that work and chores do not.
Be selfish when necessary. There isn’t a person on earth (except for a doting mother) who will put your needs before their own.
Stop being nice. Read my blog about it here!
Minor sins will lead to major sins.

“Beware of minor sins, for they will accumulate until they destroy a person. The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) gave an example, saying: ‘It is like people who camp in a valley, and one of them brings a stick, and another brings a stick until they have gathered enough to cook their food. Minor sins accumulate until they destroy a person.'” (Sunan Ibn Majah, Book 37, Hadith 4243)
A haram relationship is NEVER going to bring the pleasure of الله.
The Quran is your compass in this life. One of the rights of the Quran is to seek both healing and blessings from it. It is a balm over our pain and suffering. We are encouraged to seek solace and comfort from its recitation.

“And We send down from the Qur’an that which is a healing and a mercy to those who believe.”(Qur’an, 17:82)
Journal and reflect as much as you can. Give your inner voice a place to express itself freely, without judgment.
Everyone great at something starts with knowing nothing about it. What distinguishes the successful is their patience, persistence, and willingness to keep improving their craft despite starting from zero.
Our parents are humans who make mistakes. They don’t have it all figured out. It is their first time here, too! They aren’t infallible, nor do they hold the keys to the unknown. They teach us through correction and discipline but also through their own mistakes. Let’s meet them with the grace they never received growing up, inshaAllah.
If you don’t mess up, you’ll never learn. Mistakes are a gift and an opportunity to do better.
There isn’t a person on earth who has a perfect life. Allah tests everyone in specific ways. Even the blessings we have (ex: wealth), are a test to see if we will be grateful! Qarun, a wealthy man from the time of Prophet Musa (Moses), was given immense wealth but became arrogant and attributed his success to himself, forgetting Allah.

“Indeed, Qarun was from the people of Musa, but he tyrannized them. And We gave him of treasures whose keys would burden a band of strong men. His people said to him, ‘Do not exult. Indeed, Allah does not like the exultant.'”(Qur’an, 28:76)

His story serves as a staunch reminder that wealth can lead to destruction if it causes arrogance and heedlessness toward Allah. The blessings of الله do not represent His preference for some and not others, nor does it ensure safety from his tests. Look at the top 1%. How many of them are slaves of الله, let alone kind and giving people?

Islam Wellness